The Gathering

I've received, since writing my "Angielee Uncut" blog, 3 specific emails that have addressed my words and insecurities. Each mentioned in one way or another the beauty they each saw in me and how they never noticed my weight. While I so appreciated their words of kindness, I couldn't quite believe that they didn't notice. That they never took it into consideration. Maybe, because it's so glaring to me, one of those can't see the forest despite the trees scenarios.

Though this bulge erks me, I think I let their words give me a rest, some soothing. I think I let it cut the edge off my frustrations a bit. For better or for worse I began to think, oh maybe it's not such a big deal. Oh, maybe I'll own my "curves" as one friend called what I know as rolls. I of course want to live a healthy lifestyle but maybe I can learn to be comfortable like this.

Nope. Today, was another tantrum in clothing and the longing to just be able to throw something on and go. I'm beginning to despise every article of clothing I own. None the less, there is still a life to live with a body that needs to be fully clothed so I pushed myself into some khaki shorts and a long sleeve lose fitting shirt. I could still see the rolls I so hate so I layered a jean jacket over with a scarf that might distract from my non- pregnant tummy.

For all the layering, while I was out at recess duty I over heard a student on the swings say "Oh, you're gonna get in trouble the fat lady's looking." As I was not looking the other student said "No she's not." As I looked back the other student said, "Now she is." With every exchange of dialogue between these kids my heart broke a little bit more. 1) it bothered me that though they knew my name they called me "the fat lady." 2) it bothered me that I immediately knew they were talking of me 3) it bothered me that there wasn't a question for the other student of who the fat lady was 4) it bothered me that I had to hear it all and have confirmed in my every glance their way that they were talking about me.

Ugh. So, I know kids are kids and blah, blah, blah but it doesn't mean their little voices don't carry a big punch. I presume this is just another thing to gather on the list of why enough is enough and the weight HAS to go.

Praying that one day my "name" will change from The Fat Lady to Miss Lee but until that day can I just rock out to this?