I don't have time to write it all now but today I went hiking with a group of 12 and I was the one lagging in the back, weezing, people checking on me to see if I was ok. Mentally I was fine, thinking of myself as some fit woman who is more active than other people. Physically I was a mess. Today my mental image of myself met the reality of myself and it was difficult. The path was a challenging course but the others trudged through it just fine ( and by just fine I mean they were panting and tired) while I was literally thinking at one point if I have a heart attack on this hill how will they carry me to help. Will all of them gird me up and carry me back down the hill? How mortifying! What underwear am I wearing just in case something has to be done to save my life in the ambulance? Literal questions that passed through my mind.
These are not the questions I want to be racing through my mind while in the midst of such beautiful nature. So, though I nearly died, I didn't! I climbed. I fought my inate desire to give up. To go back down the hill. I made it. Reality bit me today. Not in the skin breaking gushing blood kind of way. But in a gentle "love bite", if such a thing exists, kind of way.
So it was a wake up call instead of a wake up punch in the gut. It was a blow to my pride, but often I need that.
