Hmmm.... to make this public or not, that is the question. Just today I had 3 people ask me about my blogs, where I then felt obligated to mention this new little girl. When I had the brilliant idea to begin this very public yet very personal blog, I thought it would be great to have accountability globally. Today, just 3 days later, that thought seems a bit more intimidating.
I didn't work out yesterday, day 4 of this change, I instead went to church, out to eat at Chevy's(DISAPPOINTING!), helped a friend rearrange and organize her classroom, out to eat at Fitz's (delicious Turkey burger), and to a birthday party where me and a cupcake duked it out for awhile and I finally gave in to one bite, throwing the rest in the trash. No seriously I did! Wasteful? Yes. Empowering? Absolutely. I have a love relationship with cupcakes. My own personal cake, individual icing, and precious wrapping. It's like a birthday party with every one. But I instead had a taste and though it was not bad, I had the mind to reason with myself that it wasn't good enough for the inch it would add to my belly. That's victory right?
Then today I had the choice to work out or not, I of course chose not. I mean after a day of wrestling an angry, morbidly obese, autistic student to get any work done, it was like I had done a 7 hour circuit training. Then out to eat AGAIN at Qdoba- a grilled veggie burrito, no cheese or sour cream, guacamole, and a water. Maybe not the best choice I could have made but at least there was thought involved in it and I chose a healthier option, just not the healthiest.
So this is the question. Are these the things I really want the world and friends to read about me in my journey to lose weight? Do I really want to expose myself to that voluntarily? Instinctively my inner fat girl yells "Oh hell NO" but then my inner skinny chic who lost her voice years ago does her sweet little sign language that I don't always understand or bother to read but today I did and she said RISK IT.
That skinny chic, she's a fighter and hasn't given out hope yet that someday her voice will return. She's the more inspirational of the 2, though fat girl has her manipulating ways. Nonetheless, I kind of want to listen to that skinny chic and risk it. Risk the possible embarrassment of failures, the harsh words of criticism, the awkwardness of honesty. Because somewhere deep inside I do know that anything worth doing is a risk but there is also potential for huge gain and not on my dairyair. I could be truly supported and understood. I could help someone along in their own life challenges. I could be encouraged. I could actually gain the will to do this and stop dreaming of my "if onlys."
So... into public ridicule or encouragement I come.
First topic, can we consider it working out if I rearrange furniture and clean for 2 hours? What about wrestling an 8 year old? What about test riding a bike in 2 small figure 8's? Hmmmm... I think I know the answers here.
