Have you seen that episode of Gilmore Girls where Lane runs her hand through the guys hair before she realizes what she's doing? Self control out the door and acting from a point of desire. I've also experienced times like that, not just when I was a teenager like Lane but also as an adult. Recently I was telling some friends of the self control I have to have when around a certain someone. There are times when I want to run my fingers through his hair or scratch his back, or hold his hand. Thank God for self control that stops my hand from doing those things my mind reaches out to do. Likewise, there are times that I want to run down the hall, though I just told a first grader to walk. Times when I want to jump up and hit dangling things though I warn students not to. Self control, it is a glorious thing!
I had to get a physical yesterday for a job I'll have this summer. All of those thoughts I'd been having about weight, body issues, and what not were all filtered into one number that balanced on the scale. I heard it aloud, I saw it with my eyes, I touched those numbers. It became very real. I had a complete lack of self control. I so often say I have no self control, frustrated that I cannot attain my goals for lack of commitment. But here's what I'm seeing. Clearly I do have self control. I've chosen not to use it in this area. Not once have I pulled a Lane and allowed my hand to do what my mind restrained. Not once, while at school have I run the halls during a school day. I have the ability to practice self control. I can see the fruit of that. I'm not known as the crazy girl who randomly plays with the hair of men. I'm not the crazy teacher who runs around jumping and slapping things. I've practiced self control.
So, now, after having a slap in the face by numbers, I will be more intentional with using that self control God in His mercy lavished upon me. I CAN do this.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Are you a vegetarian?
So a few months ago my dad made a roast. It was super yummy until it wasn't super yummy. What made it lose its yumminess?
Well, clearly I know that meat comes from an animal. There is no meat tree out there. It's one thing to know it and another to see it. Mid way through chowing down on this "yummy" roast I saw something a meat eater shouldn't see. I saw a tube, a vien, a vessle, an artery. So, with the investigative mind that I have I cut around it and pulled it out. GROSS. Then I cut through it. GROSSER. And still caked in it was the animal's blood. GROSSEST! That ended my debate over eating read meat. Check. Done. Finito.
I have generally said I would be a vegetarian were it not for bacon. I love bacon. It's disgusting to some I know, but I just can't get enough of it, well, until now. You see, Friday I subbed at a school that was having a pig roast. Cool enough I thought. But when I walked in I didn't expect to see a litral roasted pig, butterflied out on a table with a man with tongs just pulling meat out of the carcass. My stomach churns even now to think of it. So, now that I've seen that, I'm over pork including bacon. Check. Done. Finito.
I recently saw a short documentry on the making of chicken nuggets. Not that I was ever a major fan of them, but I definitely won't be eating them again. I haven't yet seen anything that completely deters me from eating chicken or fish, but I'm sure in time I will. I have seen a poster about eggs that has me a little hesitant to eat another one.
What about you? Any incidents or sightings that set you over the edge? How hard do you find it to be a vegetarian and are you doing this on a budget?
Well, clearly I know that meat comes from an animal. There is no meat tree out there. It's one thing to know it and another to see it. Mid way through chowing down on this "yummy" roast I saw something a meat eater shouldn't see. I saw a tube, a vien, a vessle, an artery. So, with the investigative mind that I have I cut around it and pulled it out. GROSS. Then I cut through it. GROSSER. And still caked in it was the animal's blood. GROSSEST! That ended my debate over eating read meat. Check. Done. Finito.
I have generally said I would be a vegetarian were it not for bacon. I love bacon. It's disgusting to some I know, but I just can't get enough of it, well, until now. You see, Friday I subbed at a school that was having a pig roast. Cool enough I thought. But when I walked in I didn't expect to see a litral roasted pig, butterflied out on a table with a man with tongs just pulling meat out of the carcass. My stomach churns even now to think of it. So, now that I've seen that, I'm over pork including bacon. Check. Done. Finito.
I recently saw a short documentry on the making of chicken nuggets. Not that I was ever a major fan of them, but I definitely won't be eating them again. I haven't yet seen anything that completely deters me from eating chicken or fish, but I'm sure in time I will. I have seen a poster about eggs that has me a little hesitant to eat another one.
What about you? Any incidents or sightings that set you over the edge? How hard do you find it to be a vegetarian and are you doing this on a budget?
Share your thoughts here!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A Little Too Personal
I have a friend who has committed herself to calling me and being active with me. LOVE IT! So over the weekend we played a little tennis and went on an unintentional 3-4 mile walk. I'll be honest and say she was pretty BOSS at tennis and I didn't have to run all that much. I however, made her run all over the place, because well... I don't play tennis.
I suppose she got "payback" the next day when she suggested going for a walk at one of my FAVE parks. I started with the thought that it would be a nice walk. I was going to spend mother's day with the fam afterwards so I wore a cotton dress and my flops. When I said walk I meant, a lazy fun walk around the beach kind of walk. Ev however was being quiet ambitious.
I used to run at this park, years ago, but many things had changed so when Ev thought it would be just as quick to go around instead of turning around I agreed. MISTAKE! 1 hour later, 3 1/2 miles in a dress and flops, my thighs were aching. Though I jokingly kept walking as though I had ridden a horse, my thighs stung from the continuous rubbing.
Oh dear ones. Revenge was Ev's cause my thighs were flaming! I mean take a cool bath to cool them down flaming. I mean take an Aleve to ease my pain flaming. I mean wear biker shorts so my legs won't touch flaming. Today, 3 days later, the flaming sensation is gone and the bike shorts are away.
Reason number 486 why letting go of my extra baggage is genius!
I suppose she got "payback" the next day when she suggested going for a walk at one of my FAVE parks. I started with the thought that it would be a nice walk. I was going to spend mother's day with the fam afterwards so I wore a cotton dress and my flops. When I said walk I meant, a lazy fun walk around the beach kind of walk. Ev however was being quiet ambitious.
I used to run at this park, years ago, but many things had changed so when Ev thought it would be just as quick to go around instead of turning around I agreed. MISTAKE! 1 hour later, 3 1/2 miles in a dress and flops, my thighs were aching. Though I jokingly kept walking as though I had ridden a horse, my thighs stung from the continuous rubbing.
Oh dear ones. Revenge was Ev's cause my thighs were flaming! I mean take a cool bath to cool them down flaming. I mean take an Aleve to ease my pain flaming. I mean wear biker shorts so my legs won't touch flaming. Today, 3 days later, the flaming sensation is gone and the bike shorts are away.
Reason number 486 why letting go of my extra baggage is genius!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Gathering
I've received, since writing my "Angielee Uncut" blog, 3 specific emails that have addressed my words and insecurities. Each mentioned in one way or another the beauty they each saw in me and how they never noticed my weight. While I so appreciated their words of kindness, I couldn't quite believe that they didn't notice. That they never took it into consideration. Maybe, because it's so glaring to me, one of those can't see the forest despite the trees scenarios.
Though this bulge erks me, I think I let their words give me a rest, some soothing. I think I let it cut the edge off my frustrations a bit. For better or for worse I began to think, oh maybe it's not such a big deal. Oh, maybe I'll own my "curves" as one friend called what I know as rolls. I of course want to live a healthy lifestyle but maybe I can learn to be comfortable like this.
Nope. Today, was another tantrum in clothing and the longing to just be able to throw something on and go. I'm beginning to despise every article of clothing I own. None the less, there is still a life to live with a body that needs to be fully clothed so I pushed myself into some khaki shorts and a long sleeve lose fitting shirt. I could still see the rolls I so hate so I layered a jean jacket over with a scarf that might distract from my non- pregnant tummy.
For all the layering, while I was out at recess duty I over heard a student on the swings say "Oh, you're gonna get in trouble the fat lady's looking." As I was not looking the other student said "No she's not." As I looked back the other student said, "Now she is." With every exchange of dialogue between these kids my heart broke a little bit more. 1) it bothered me that though they knew my name they called me "the fat lady." 2) it bothered me that I immediately knew they were talking of me 3) it bothered me that there wasn't a question for the other student of who the fat lady was 4) it bothered me that I had to hear it all and have confirmed in my every glance their way that they were talking about me.
Ugh. So, I know kids are kids and blah, blah, blah but it doesn't mean their little voices don't carry a big punch. I presume this is just another thing to gather on the list of why enough is enough and the weight HAS to go.
Praying that one day my "name" will change from The Fat Lady to Miss Lee but until that day can I just rock out to this?
Though this bulge erks me, I think I let their words give me a rest, some soothing. I think I let it cut the edge off my frustrations a bit. For better or for worse I began to think, oh maybe it's not such a big deal. Oh, maybe I'll own my "curves" as one friend called what I know as rolls. I of course want to live a healthy lifestyle but maybe I can learn to be comfortable like this.
Nope. Today, was another tantrum in clothing and the longing to just be able to throw something on and go. I'm beginning to despise every article of clothing I own. None the less, there is still a life to live with a body that needs to be fully clothed so I pushed myself into some khaki shorts and a long sleeve lose fitting shirt. I could still see the rolls I so hate so I layered a jean jacket over with a scarf that might distract from my non- pregnant tummy.
For all the layering, while I was out at recess duty I over heard a student on the swings say "Oh, you're gonna get in trouble the fat lady's looking." As I was not looking the other student said "No she's not." As I looked back the other student said, "Now she is." With every exchange of dialogue between these kids my heart broke a little bit more. 1) it bothered me that though they knew my name they called me "the fat lady." 2) it bothered me that I immediately knew they were talking of me 3) it bothered me that there wasn't a question for the other student of who the fat lady was 4) it bothered me that I had to hear it all and have confirmed in my every glance their way that they were talking about me.
Ugh. So, I know kids are kids and blah, blah, blah but it doesn't mean their little voices don't carry a big punch. I presume this is just another thing to gather on the list of why enough is enough and the weight HAS to go.
Praying that one day my "name" will change from The Fat Lady to Miss Lee but until that day can I just rock out to this?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Get Me Bodied Gone G for the kiddies
Did you hear about Beyonce's new song to promote movement in young people? She's a fave of mine to work out to already. Now that she's jumped on the Michelle Obama band wagon, there's no stopping her!
Here it is for your work out pleasure :)
For my teacher friends, how fun would it be to teach your kiddos this!? I mean it comes with choreography and everything. ;)
Here it is for your work out pleasure :)
For my teacher friends, how fun would it be to teach your kiddos this!? I mean it comes with choreography and everything. ;)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Awk- ward.
Ummm.... soooo..... hey.
Is it ever awkward for you to come back to someone you've just spilled all your beans to? To have a conversation with them again, like a normal person and not the rantings of a lunatic? I'm there today.
So yesterday I just kind of released all of those pint up frustrations and today in the light of day I'm feeling a bit embarrassed about it. A bit of a tantrum. It would be easy to go and delete that post, pretend it never happened. But the truth is it did and that is reality. It's my reality right now. So, for all that crazy, I want to let you know I am not always a whole lot-o-crazy. There are just moments. Moments of weakness that cause a person to shoot of at the mouth (or fingers) for the entire public world to read. Oh what that doesn't happen to you? You have self control enough to tell a few close friends or write it in a journal? Options I must remember for next time I'm frustrated and needing to vent. :)
None the less, to let you know that I am in a better happier place today I wanted to point you on over to my other little space, Life Under Grace, where I told of the thrilling adventure I had today!
Have a great one and please don't let my crazies keep you away. ;)
Is it ever awkward for you to come back to someone you've just spilled all your beans to? To have a conversation with them again, like a normal person and not the rantings of a lunatic? I'm there today.
So yesterday I just kind of released all of those pint up frustrations and today in the light of day I'm feeling a bit embarrassed about it. A bit of a tantrum. It would be easy to go and delete that post, pretend it never happened. But the truth is it did and that is reality. It's my reality right now. So, for all that crazy, I want to let you know I am not always a whole lot-o-crazy. There are just moments. Moments of weakness that cause a person to shoot of at the mouth (or fingers) for the entire public world to read. Oh what that doesn't happen to you? You have self control enough to tell a few close friends or write it in a journal? Options I must remember for next time I'm frustrated and needing to vent. :)
None the less, to let you know that I am in a better happier place today I wanted to point you on over to my other little space, Life Under Grace, where I told of the thrilling adventure I had today!
Have a great one and please don't let my crazies keep you away. ;)
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